well I can't set my house on fire every night
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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