She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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