Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
