8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
