It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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