ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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