please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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