Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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