well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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