matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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