can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
