Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
