You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
