He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
