the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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