just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
