Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
