Already got asked if we're dating
Plan B is the new Plan A
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
