is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
