sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was born a porn star she said
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
