It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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