So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
