Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
