The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
