Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
