she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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