the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
