Already got asked if we're dating
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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