Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
