I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pants are for mortals
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
