dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
