In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
