Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
there is glitter all over my balls
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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