someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
