Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
