worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
