Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
