there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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