Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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