and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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