Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
