I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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