dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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