I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
