listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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