I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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