saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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