She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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