Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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