I bet he comes in French.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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