You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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