The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
