Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
